Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
