I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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