I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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