Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like eating out sand paper
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
