My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
