ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
