here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
