I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
