So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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