I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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