you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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