Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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