You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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