Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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