My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
