Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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