If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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