meet me or not, i'm out of control
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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