Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When are your genitals available?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
