man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
