Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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