Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
