remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
