At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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