god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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