I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
