I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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