my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.