He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.