I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.