I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
