btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
