ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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