so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
