i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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