You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
