Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
