Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
