I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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