Your mouth is God's brothel.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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