I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
