They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
