Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
