A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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