I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
