I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She announced her abortion via fbk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
