So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
