I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
