i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
