It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
