I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
