Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
