spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
