Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
