I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
