U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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