How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
