Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
