do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dick has a subreddit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
