omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
