I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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