so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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