can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
